Peachy Keen

You don’t have insomnia, you have tumblr.

I wish I could say that this perseverance came from some innate toughness in me. But the truth is, it was learned. I got it from watching the people who raised me. More specifically, I got it from watching the women who shaped my life.

I seldom raised my voice in protest [while my friends sexually harassed women] because I didn’t want to be uncool, to be perceived as ‘less of a man’ or challenged on why I found it necessary to defend women. This is what sociologist Michael Kimmel identifies as a deep form of homophobia: the fear that other men would challenge me, question my manhood, or even call me gay. This very fear led me to silently harass women and allow the others to vocally harass. I now realize that my worries of being pushed out my peer group could be tied to multiple forms of violence against women - when we create conditions where young men are constantly fighting other men to prove their manhood, what they will do to get props or accepted can escalate to dangerous levels. Ending gender-based violence is not about telling our sisters and daughters how to protect themselves, it should be about talking to our boys and men about we say to each other, what we allow to be said, and why we don’t stop when someone is being put in harm’s way.